By Josh Gilman:

Happy Valentines Day!

Depending on your personality and life circumstances, today is the best/worst/happiest/horrific/lovely/sickening/romantic/depressing day of the year. But for nearly everyone it is definitely one thing. Triggering.

I’ll explain why.

Contentedness

One of the most common terms that is thrown around when we come upon anything that reminds of relationship statuses is the word “content”. Usually it’s a poorly construed version of “you just have to be content” from a married person to a single person.

Now sure, you should be content. Everybody should be. But if you are a married person telling a single person “you just have to be content”. Just remember that what you are saying is “You have to be content with being single. Which THANK GOD I DON’T HAVE TO BE”. That isn’t just hypocritical, it’s dangerous. You are sending the message that Marriage can solve their problems, which you should know is a lie. Married people struggle just as much with being content as anyone. They just don’t have to be content with being single. And by the skyrocketing rates of divorce, never mind the stomach churning of “find an affair” sites like Ashley Madison, married people often don’t do a great job being content with NOT being single.

But I’m in danger of getting off point.

The point is, this whole idea of “contentedness” is usually based on the lie that someone else can make us be content. And one of the biggest problems is porn.

Porn lies to us

Porn trains us to be discontent. It tells us that we can find meaning, fulfillment and contentedness by having someone else. And yes, it is a very nice thing to have a someone. But porn is always trying to convince you that it’s not about having a someone, it’s about having a someone else. And then a someone else. So while you might think “I would be content if I just had someone.” Porn is training your brain and heart to desire more than one someone, and that every single someone isn’t enough for you.

Hence affairs.

Hence divorce.

Hence miserable marriages.

Which leads us to the problem with all of this.

Pavlov’s Dog

Have you ever heard someone mention Pavlov’s dog? He trained it by feeding it every time he rang a bell. Eventually, he could just ring the bell and the dog would salivate.

Because of how sexualized and pornified our culture is, society has trained our brains to equate “romance” with “sexual”. So on a day like today that is allegedly all about romance, our brains are trained to think about sex.

Think about every romantic movie, or tv show. No matter what truths about real love it may convey, the ultimate sign that their love is real is always sex.  And in today’s culture, sex equals porn.

So no matter where you are at in life, a day like today that is all about “romance” is trying to make you think all about sex, and thinking all about sex will make you long for something or someone you don’t have, whether you are married or not.

Is there a point?

Yes. We should remember that porn is a lie. Pornified culture is a lie. And be aware of the messages we are being fed. Whether you are single, or married, engaged, or a hermit. Remember that as much as you might love love, a false version is being sold to you, and has tried to train you to be discontent with wherever you are at in life.

Reject that.

Identify your triggers.

And choose the best way to be content today. Don’t think about whether or not you are content today. And do something truly loving for someone else.