By: Josh Gilman
When I was 7 years old, I had a secret way to not eat any food that I didn’t want to.
Whenever my parents served potatoes or other things that my picky palate didn’t want to consume, I would quietly pull some of the stuffing out of the dining room chair that I was sitting on, and replace it with the food. Somehow I got away with this for several months and as time went on I got bolder, starting to put more and more food in my chair (as a large family we always sat in the same chairs and so nobody else but me was sitting on this pile of rotting vegetables).
But, of course, one day I got caught. And as my parents ripped off the vinyl covering of the chair a most vile concoction was released. It was putrid. And the chair was completely ruined. Now, several decades later, I can laugh at my younger self. What was I thinking? That I wouldn’t get caught? That I could stuff buckets of rotting vegetables away mere feet from my family and not be found out? Even if the food had stayed contained in the chair, the whole chair was going to rot.
I was 7. My decision making was poor.
Fast forward 7 years. I had discovered online pornography. And now I once again sat in a chair, in my parents house. And this time I was trying to stuff repulsive content out of sight of my parents. Clearing the internet history and search history. But the problem with pornogrpahy is this: it stinks. It doesn’t matter how deep you bury it. It rots and destroys everything around it. My parents didn’t know what was wrong with me, but they knew that things weren’t right.
So of course one day I got busted, and it all came spilling out. What was I thinking? That I wouldn’t be found out? That the rotting pile of what I was consuming wasn’t smelling up my life? It stunk!
I was 14. I should have known better. But I didn’t.
Fast forward more than another 7 years. I was no longer living with my family. And I had gotten way better at burying everything. Technology was making it easier to find pornography and easier to bury it. Years of working in customer service and communications jobs made me far better at burying it so deep that people couldn’t see it. It stunk, but I was burying it deeper and deeper. At least that is what I thought. But the thing is, pornography stinks. And people could tell. My parents knew something wasn’t right. My close friends could tell. Something stunk. Even though they couldn’t see it.
And then one day I couldn’t contain it anymore. And I ripped the cover off my hidden life and it all came spilling out. And let me tell you, it STUNK! Exposing the rottenness of pornography that I was burying deep inside was not pleasant. But it could finally be cleaned out.
What had I been thinking? That it wouldn’t smell? Of course it did. Pornography stinks. It rots everything it touches. But this time I was the one bringing the rottenness into the light. I wanted it to be gone. Destroyed. No more burying.
Getting free of pornogrpahy is a process. It’s a long journey. It’s a lifelong fight. But here is the truth we need to face if we want to be free.
Pornography stinks. And people can smell it. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to bury it – it stinks. So you can either be discovered, and stand there embarrassed while all it’s rottenness is exposed, or you can rip the cover off your life yourself and say “Help me get rid of this!”
I’ve tried it both ways. It stinks both ways. But one of the ways, the smell might actually go away