Porn: It’s A Human Problem

Josh GilmanAwareness, Freedom, WomenLeave a Comment

By Colette Aikema:

Not long ago I was giving a talk to an adult audience on protecting kids from porn. I had just finished giving the many disturbing statistics on porn use – particularly porn use in girls and women – when I was asked a question from someone in the audience.

‘I don’t understand something. If almost 90% of porn depicts violence against women, how can women get addicted to porn?’

Read that question over again. And just for good measure, read it once more. The honesty of the question is very clear, yet the implications of it are much worse than the questioner understood.

At the time, I simply answered the question: women become addicted to porn for the same reasons that men do, women and men are both stimulated visually simply in a different way, and porn designed to stimulate sexual arousal will do exactly that – arouse people, regardless of whether they’re men or women. We had a good discussion and the audience member who asked the question gained new insight into the vast problem that is porn.

It wasn’t until I was home later that night that I began to feel just how sharply the question impacted me. I broke down into tears and began to sob when I realized just how shamed that question made me feel. Of course the person in the audience in no way meant to affect me and I don’t blame them. But the question implied that women can’t be addicted to porn, because they would be addicted to sexual violence and torture of their own gender. How on earth could any woman be aroused by something like that?

How indeed. It often takes a long time, but many girls and women do get to that point. And when they do, the consequences are frightening and devastating. Imagine a young girl being conditioned to desire to be overpowered, beaten, and violated by many different men. Imagine a newlywed woman who has been trained by years of porn use that she exists solely to be used, drained, and discarded by men’s sexual appetites. Imagine the mother who has spent the majority of her life hiding a secret addiction, one that has caused her to normalize rape and misogyny.  How can we help these women, and all the rest?

First of all, you are not alone. Girls and women of all ages battle with porn addiction – not just girly porn, erotica, or women-friendly scenes; no, very real hardcore and violent porn. Women just like you are finding themselves drawn over and over again to porn that disturbs and frightens them. They, also, are stuck in a cycle they can’t seem to break out of, no matter how hard they try, no matter how determined they are never to use it again. Women just like you and me.

Second, we are here to help you. Please send us an email, tell us your story, and we will do everything that we can to support you and get you on the road to recovery. The moment we begin to open up the horrible wound that porn has left on our hearts, we begin to heal in a difficult but beautiful way. The more we open up to the women around us, the more we will realize that we are not alone, and we can begin to give each other the support we so desperately need and and deserve.

Finally, remember that your porn use has not made you any less of a woman. The fact that you are addicted to porn says nothing of your femininity, your ability to love, nurture, guide, and help others. You have a human problem, not a man’s problem. Porn addiction is universal, pornographers are experts are luring any human being, and that is not your fault. Yes, your porn addiction has wounded and exploited you, but it has not removed or tarnished your femininity. And it is that femininity that is worth fighting for, and it is why you need to get free. The road is hard, but ladies – we are in this together.

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