‘Tis the season of resolutions. And if we all know one thing about our New Year’s resolutions it’s that the majority of us aren’t actually going to run that 5k race, lose those 20 pounds or try all those new things we say we’re going to. So what if your goal is to find freedom from porn? That’s got to be one of the most difficult resolutions to keep out of all of them. Well if that’s your resolution (and I hope it is) here are 5 keys that can help you succeed.
#1 Resolve
The most important part is to realize that you are “resolving” to do something. That means effort, that means work, most importantly that means that you are looking more towards how you’re doing on December 31st of 2016 than January 1st.
If you’re thinking your goal is “stop watching porn effective immediately” (which is of course a noble thing to do and I hope you can do it.) that means that if you stumble on May 5th, you have failed. You, like pretty much everyone else on the planet, have broken your resolution and you’ll have to wait till next year to try again.
But if your goal is “Get free of porn in 2016” That’s a process. That means that if you stumble on May 5th, you realize that you’ve gone 4 months without porn, which should embolden you that your goal is attainable and should then strengthen your resolve that porn will have no hold on your life by the time New Year’s Day 2017 rolls around.
#2 Make a Plan
Plenty of people resolve to lose weight every year. You know which people might actually succeed? The people who go and buy a gym membership. You know who has an even greater rate of success? The people who not only buy a gym membership but get a personal trainer and make a long-term plan.
Write your plan down. Get a filter, start a program that will renew your mind, get in an accountability group. Switch phones, switch friends, cancel your all-inclusive cable package. Write out what you have to do and how you’ll do it.
#3 Be accountable
Tell someone your plan! Plenty of times I’ve decided to take a break from sugar, or coffee. But then either I ignore my plan, or I just plain forget when there is a box of cookies on the counter. The times I can stick to it are when I tell my wife what I’m trying to do and then she helps remind me when I forget, and encourages to keep going when I want to quit, and lovingly teases me about my willpower when I state I don’t care about getting in shape anymore.
Tell someone. Someone whom you see often and knows you well. Get a filter and accountability program (Covenant Eyes anyone?) Discuss your plan with your accountability partner or partners and get their feedback and insight.
#4 Prepare for Pitfalls
Resolve, accountability, making a plan, these things will all help you if you stumble. But obviously the best way is to stumble as little as possible or not at all. Limit the opportunities for stumbling (and quitting) by making a list of the things that could pull you down.
Certain habits with your phone/computer/tablet?
A TV show with scenes that trigger you?
When are you most vulnerable? Alone at night? Bored at work? In the bathroom?
First be proactive. Eliminate the pitfalls that you can. For those you can’t eliminate, know ahead of time how you’ll deal with them. And resolve that when you do come across a situation or other trigger you weren’t prepared for, that you’ll discuss it with your accountability partner afterwards and come up with a strategy to deal with it next time.
#5 Keep going
This is basically step #1 over again, but for when you slip up. Remember, your goal has to do with who you want to be as a person long-term. It’s not about feeling like you’re better than everyone else. It’s not about feeling good about yourself today. It’s about making a long-term change.
Most people say you can only make one successful resolution a year. I have several friends who have actually accomplished between 7 to 12 New Year’s resolutions in a single year, simply because all their goals were long-term and they didn’t quit when they couldn’t accomplish them immediately. As long as it wasn’t yet December 31st, they kept pressing on. They knew victory was still within their grasp.
Can you do this? Will you RESOLVE to do this?
Wishing you a happy and Porn-free 2016!